Thursday, June 9, 2011
I've realized that I haven't been posting any diary style entries..just a lot of pictures. I write everyday, but just to myself. I think from now on I will post some of my thoughts on here. I don't think people talk about what they're feeling enough. Sometimes I feel like I go days without talking about anything substantial with anyone.
I feel so fucked up about today..a girl I knew passed away this week...it makes me feel so confused about life. I imagine the things she did in the years, months, days, hours leading up to her death. The thought that up until the moment she died, she most likely didn't see it coming. I wonder about her family, her close close friends..what they are feeling. I look around at my apartment, look down at my computer, take a sip of my beer..listen to the sound of the traffic outside, the smell of the incense burning..I am alive, I am alive. Where is she?
It's just so baffling to me, that with all of the technology in the world, in a society where we claim to know the answers to absolutely everything. Nobody knows where we go when we die.
Nobody can prove anything exists beyond this realm.
This lack of concrete proof can cause intense anxiety, or intense freedom.
I feel like we are all energy. So I am not afraid of physical death of my body. On most days.
It makes me feel that all of the mundane tasks we do on a daily basis, our obsession with concepts like wealth and careers and the "perfect life" are all so utterly absurd.
So many of us are so detached from life itself.. delving deeply into an encrypted fog..creating a need to be submerged in stuff-to distract us from just being alive. I don't want to live like this. I want to feel every moment