Here we are, the last 9 days..and I am feeling content; I feel as if I've had a great trip but I am also ready to go home ;)
When I came out here I was hoping for a transformation, a revelation..an epic spiritual shift..and when nothing happened I felt a little bit cheated.
Then I realized that changes can happen albeit subtle and inconspicuous in nature..changes you don't realize have occurred until you're getting close to going home.
I feel as if I've had a lot of quiet time on this trip, and without the usual hum of traffic, the routine of work, and the act of paying bills..it's like my brain has been firing like the 4th of July. (more then usual if that's possible;)
I've actually felt overwhelmed some nights, as I'm trying to fall asleep and my mind just won't shut up and let me rest; Hours upon hours lying awake, next to my boyfriend who's blissfully enveloped in the depths of dreams.
It's almost like all the distractions of regular life at home allow you to sort of ignore the "big" questions or at least push them so far back..that they wind up forgotten when the time allows for reflection.
I always thought of reflecting one one's life as a chosen activity..like "ok today- I'm getting out my notebook and I'm gonna mind map..I'm gonna list pro's and con's..I'm going to attack this with a systematic efficiency." But on this trip..I've drifted into the dusty depths of my mind, and with the sounds of the sea crashing onto the shore..I've felt a whole spectrum of emotion..
I think we all look and wait for the "light bulb" moments...or we read "Eat Pray Love" and feel inspired to abandon our material pleasures, strap a filthy sac to our backs and head out on the beaten trail..to find an awakening in the bottom of a teacup whilst sitting cross legged at "Ethos" vegan restaurant, smoking apple shi sha with the alluring beatnik from Bali..but it doesn't necessarily wind up being that sensual and exotic....;)
Sometimes all you need is a step back, and a stack of books, and a small budget that leaves you ship wrecked on Koh Chang for 3 weeks with nothing but a shitty internet connection and a weathered beach front hut..oh and a fresh minty mojito at the end of a sun soaked afternoon spent bobbing in the massive waves in Gulf of Thailand!
What I'm trying to say is...these moments of clarity we seek, can be found when you allow your mind to be open, and exposed...when you ask the universe to feel a connection..when you shed your layers and open up your heart...and when you give everything you have to the cause that is your life and yourself..and then you start to feel the changes..the growth..and hopefully all you've dreamt for yourself will be free to stream into your path and manifest itself in you!!!!!
love love love love to you xxxxxxxxoooooo