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so i decided a few weeks ago. that all the things i want to do are achievable and within reach. and there is no way that i can go on much longer living in a state of "wish"

wish is a place with no satisfaction. no outcome. "wish" hurts because it never ends. if one continues to "wish" one is never actually DOING. so i made an agreement with myself that i would DO. so the other night i was able to make some headway with my music, and found a sound that i like and feel really is me.. and i'm gonna play a show if it fucking kills me. cuz if i don't then psychologically i am dead. so why the hold up? work is sucking out my creative self. too many sales, too much business zapps everything free flowing and natural and turns you into a machine. that is a laughing shmoozing smooooth operator.

style is everything. friends that truly understand you are everything.