wow. its been o so long

i dont even know where to begin.

i've been existing in a bubble lately. working. sleeping. interacting. sort of.

i'm not sure where i'm headed. i feel an intense urge to move, to start fresh.

i'm always obsessed with my life. i never just live. i'm always over analyzing to the absolute MAX.

who. what. where. when. why.

i'm 26 years old. and more often then not, i feel like i'm totally un-aligned with my "source energy" meaning: i feel like i know the person i am, and what i want to be doing...but i feel like i'm not doing it. i don't know how. it's almost like sitting around dreaming about life is more fun then going out and doing it.

fuckkkkk

like now. i feel happy? i look at style blogs like "hel looks" and i wish i was a cool eastern european, that seems so removed from "popular culture" and lives in a place that just is. cool.

is. cool. doesn't pretend or try. just is. i wonder when i will feel peace within myself more then 40% of the time.?

it seems like i have so many things i want to do. but its really that i know the type of life i want to be living. and im not living it. and i am too pussy to just make it a reality.

but then, i'm still so confused. when i talk to people that understand this longing..i feel so happy. but the majority doesn't understand.

so what am i to do?