Thursday, May 9, 2013

Taking A Chill Day To Reflect

Do you feel guilty when you'd rather stay in and sleep rather then hit the beach on a beautiful day in Thailand? I do.
And I really need to get over it-because some days I just don't feel like being "on" as I've heard other travellers call it.
Sometimes I just want to read in my bunk, browse the internet for 5 hours, or just sleep; but somehow I always feel like I "should" be out exploring, meeting people, or just laying on the beach.

Even at home I am a serial "do-er" and it is really hard for me to allow myself to just take a nap, or do nothing on a day off from work. I always have some project or activity I'd like to do- write a song, do a photo shoot, browse a bookstore, meet a friend for coffee, research medicinal mushrooms and chinese herbs, sketch potential logo's for my clothing brand, working on my children's book, make sushi ETC. It never ends!!! And I do those things in my spare time when I'm not at work 40 hours a week.

So being in Thailand, with 100% free time is quite the adjustment-I'm not sure how to structure my time, when not doing a specific activity like visiting a waterfall. We can't afford to do activities every day, or even every week!
Today I slept in until 11:30am, woke up and read my book for an hour or so, walked to get lunch, ate it on the hostel patio, checked my email, went back up to bed and watched "Lock Up Abroad" for 2 hours, then read my book for another 1.5 hours, and have now been on the internet for 2 hours.
It was an alright day, but I feel kind of unaccomplished..and I don't want to fee like that!!!

I want to realize that it is ok to just not do anything in a day; To enjoy quiet time from start to finish, and not feel the urge to always be "productive." but...
I wanted to do some introspection on this trip, to really think about my life, and where I want it to go on a really deep level- and I don't know how to do that?
Maybe it's because I'm still hanging on to routine and order..and am taking awhile to slowly let go of the hustle hustle lifestyle that is North America.
But..maybe I am already content? and I don't need to do any hard thinking about my future because I like the way it is unravelling naturally?

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